BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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