Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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