Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
