A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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