We named our party play list daddy issues
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
