So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
