I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
