There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
