His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
