i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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