I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
