Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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