she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
