I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
