I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
