yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
