I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my liver is dry heaving
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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