There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
