Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
