please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
