I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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