She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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