Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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