Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
