I'm gonna have a badass scar
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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