Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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