I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
