you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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