Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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