DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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