I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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