2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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