Do vagina's smell?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
