her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
