So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
