so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
