I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
