My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the liver wants what the liver wants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
