Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
