How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
