It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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