So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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