All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he shaved USA in his pubs
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
