Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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