When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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