He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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