Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
