is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
