after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
