I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
