Buhtt sex?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think i just lost a toe
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
