Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
