I think im going to throw up on grandma
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
