Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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