Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize