There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
