FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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