Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
