meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
