i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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