Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
