Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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