I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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