so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
