Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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